This post was initially written for a group I participated in winter 2016 called “Motherhood Mondays”. Since then I have changed up the post a little bit both adding and taking away from the initial post. The posts during Motherhood Monday, were aimed at showing the realness of motherhood while showing how we’ve grown as mothers so that other moms can see themselves in us.
Honestly, the first misconception that I had about miscarriages is the fact that I thought that I wouldn’t have one since I knew several other people that have had one.
I was wrong. 1 in 4 women have a miscarriage. I am 1 in 4.
I thought that something I did/ didn’t do caused the miscarriage, but in all reality it took us quite some time to get pregnant with our daughter which made me realize that I don’t have any more control over being pregnant than I do over my babies dying, but God does.
I thought maybe I didn’t want the baby enough, but it confirmed how much I wanted a baby. So much in fact that I secretly obsessed about getting pregnant again until I did get pregnant again. But that didn’t make the pain any easier, it just made the load heavier. But then I remember Abraham and Sarah in the bible and how they struggled for YEARS with infertility, but yet they had the desire to be parents, and God provided.
I thought that having a miscarriage was something to be ashamed of I felt ashamed that I lost the baby and ashamed that I got pregnant when so many others I know are struggling with infertility. I thought that I needed to be silent about it, and it created a total sense of being alone. But I learned that I am not alone, but far from it I have discovered friends, family members, neighbors, and random acquaintances that have felt the pain of losing a child.
I thought that there was something wrong with me and I would never be able to get pregnant again. When I got pregnant again, I was terrified to find out that I was due within days of when I had miscarried earlier. But God provided and exactly 1 year after one of my miscarriages my son was born. The thought constantly haunts me that If my first baby had lived, this handsome little spitfire of a rainbow baby might not be here.
I thought after I had a miscarriage I would never have another one. But I did. 20% of people who have a miscarriage have another one, And I did.
I thought that I needed to just get over it. When I had my miscarriages I lost my child(ren). I missed out on all of the firsts, I missed out on EVERYTHING and that isn’t something you just get over. It’s okay to not be okay. Actually, it’s probably normal.
It just changes on you for the better and for the worse, I look at life entirely different than I did several years ago, and several weeks ago.
Further resources
A letter to the child I never knew.
A letter to someone that has never lost a baby.
Amber Joy says
atwhat a great post and what a great way to shed light on this. I too had a miscarriage….in high school. I’m not sure many people know if happened. Maybe I still carry some shame from it. So thank you….it is okay not to be okay. Hugs mamma.
Lisa says
atWow, that’s really tough, Amber! You don’t have to feel shame though.
Lisa says
atLove this take on “Motherhood Misconceptions!” Losing a pregnancy is very difficult. When you talk to other women, you find out that you’re really really not alone.